Has it ever occurred to you that we humans have a tendency to be drawn to drama like a moth to fire? We watch soap operas, go to the movies, sit in front of the TV for hours watching all kinds of drama in every language that we know or those with subtitles, wiling away the time. Inevitably, we get burnt by all the drama we try to recreate in our lives from what we've watched.
My main question is why. It seems like whenever something bad ends in our lives, we look for another. We get ourselves into horrible situations that we can't handle and we tell the whole world about it. We ensure that there's always something to mope about or something that we can complain/gossip. Our listeners hold to our words attentively and then repeats that process in their lives. All in all, in one way or another, we create this cycle of constant drama.
Perhaps it is because we're all ungrateful people - people who forgets everything once the bad times are over and knowingly land ourselves into a similar situation again. Or maybe we crave an exciting life, one which we can retell with tears, regrets and courageous moments. It could also be that we strive to test the boundaries of life, whether it is the ability to move on despite having our hearts broken all the time or our capability of living the rumoured great life at the age of 45 after spending years in a good life.
Some may argue that we don't willingly step ourselves into such situations. Life just happens to be that way. However,I beg to differ. True enough, there are things in life which are out of our control but not everything is. Sometimes, it is our stubborn efforts to not give in and fight for the things we like rather than the things we deserve. Sometimes, it's just simply choosing to forget how grateful we should be that we're surrounded by people we love who return that love a hundred fold.
I write this with a sad heart. Some people I know have chosen paths which will bring much pain and regret to their lives. I've been down that road and I know what awaits. Here I thank God for bringing me to my senses a long time ago before things went too out of hand. I thank God that He's always with me even as I live through the consequences of my actions years after I've left that path. On the other hand, here I do want to pray that God will bring these people back to walk the path He's created for them instead of trudging along their own way. I'll pray that He's open and soften their hearts to Him. I also pray for protection and that they may be surrounded by friends who love God and are willing to invest in their lives.
And God, I know, will direct the drama of our lives that it may be as His will so chooses. Amen.
When I act like I'm strong, is that all you can see? Not the hurt, the cracks that's showing on me? It's like a drama that we act Yours is to pretend that I'm all that Mine is to keep myself intact. Whenever a little chip of me falls out, The temper cut loose, Your reality of me wavers a little You apologise Your words reflecting your heart That has always ever seen me just in part My dear, when will you wake up? And stop this dream that you're dreaming? Will you just leave me here Forever to believe That no matter how much I wait for you to see The scars inside of me You'll never pull through and be There whenever I need
After embracing God's love for me, many things have opened up. I've now found a new accountability partner, Sarah :). I'm really excited. She's a new Christian who's really falling in love with Jesus everytime and it's gonna be great seeing things through her eyes.
When people mention dates with Jesus, it never really makes sense to me. Like how do you go on a date with someone you cannot see? To spend time with a person without words? And so God teaches me about silence. It is in the silence where He reveals Himself. Mother Teresa once said that she enjoys being with God. When people ask her what He says, she replied "nothing." And then they ask her what she says. She replied, "Nothing." It's being with Him, knowing He's there and enjoying His presence that counts.
Guess what? I'm beginning to understand that. Sometimes when I walk home from the bus stop, I think of Him. And suddenly it feels like He's right there, walking beside me. And we spend time just walking together. But this atmosphere of silence in which I spend time with Him is really hard to create. My mind flies everywhere. However, now that I've experienced a glimpse of it, I'm beginning to learn to be still. Perhaps that was what He meant when He spoke Psalms 46:10a to me - "Be still, and know that I am God..."
I still wonder at times how He could love me. I just sinned. Didn't mean to but the temptation came and I gave way. The next thing I know I feel that I'm revolting. Seriously. Lord Jesus I ask for Your forgiveness. I know You gave me warnings and a way out, yet I still fail to heed Your words. It is true that it's by Your grace that you let me come and talk to You. It's not that I'm worthy. I thank you Jesus for all the Love that You have shown to Me. You know all the times where I'm not the person I portray, not the person people see. Yet, You love me with all my flaws and failures. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the romance You offer me. I just want to ask again for Your forgiveness once again. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey everyone!! it's been ages, hasn't it? I was reading some of my old posts and I reckon I'm not that bad of a blogger. To me, that is :).
Well, yes, to the topic of love. Why am I writing this? Because it's been coming up. Ever been through something so painful that you'd forget? In med, it's called motivational forgetting, aka repressing memories. I have. Two years worth of them in fact. And I think some others after that. The pain I've been through because of them makes me believe that some things are better forgotten. However, God has been saying to me this, "Give them to me. All your past, hurt, pain, unforgiveness, the good, bad, ugly, etc. Give them all to me and just rest in my love." It's been coming up. In Vive, Crossway aka Big Church and OCF. It's been all about love.
People say that relationship with God can be somewhat equated to a romance, though not fully. In a romantic relationship, the guy woos the girl. He buys her flowers. He whispers sweet nothings in her ear. He literally rejoices (as lil kat jensen says it, "ostriches"), sings and shouts for being able to love her. He wipes her tears. He plans surprises for her just to make her day special. He thinks of asking her whether he could hold her hand but ends up linking his hand with hers and holding it tight by the end of the night. He kisses her and reminds her of his love for her. To him, she's the apple of his eye. That is the same of God. It says in Zephaniah that God rejoices and sings because He loves us.
"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty saviour. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." ~Zephaniah 3:17~
He also wipes our tears. He says, "Woman, don't cry." He holds our hand through life and guides as well as protects us through and from all harm. He also gives little surprises each day to rejuvenate our spirits because He knows our needs best. God has not bought us flowers but He made creation (the birds, trees, flowers and everything else in the world) for us to enjoy. He whispers to our ears sweet things like "You're beautiful because you're wonderfully made in My image" and "I love you". He thinks of us all the time. He thinks of you all the time. He thinks of me all the time.
But does it feel real? Is it truly possible? Yes, it is. However, do I love Him back like a girl who is in love? A girl in love seeks the company of him who she loves. She strives to please him by the things she does. She would talk to him into the wee hours of the night, trusting him to safeguard her love as she pours out her heart to him. She appreciates the comfortable silence in his presence. She desires to learn more about him each day and all that she knows is never enough, so she devotes her time to knowing him. She glows because she loves him and knows she receives his love in return. She rests secure in his love. Am I all these things and more for God?
I've always had trust issues. I never believed that there was such a romantic love for me. That no one would ever pursue me. If I opened my heart, all I would receive is hurt. The pain of the past has ebbed away all faith in people and yes, unfortunately, even faith in God. I do a lot of Christian stuff and people always ask me, "Grace, how do you do so much?". Honestly, I don't know. Perhaps I serve to find Him who loves me. Or that I read and do bible study in hopes that one day I'll believe in His love for me. Or maybe...just maybe, I want to understand what it means to be that woman in love.
So, with all that God is telling me and all that I'm going through, what's my conclusion? It is this: I choose to have such a romance with God. Just as He pursues me in His love, I will pursue Him in my love. I will devote my time to knowing Him as He devotes His time to know me. I will rest secure and rejoice in His love.
I am definitely not ready to date a guy. I don't think I can handle that yet. But should anyone ask whether I'm in a romantic relationship, here's what I will say:
I am seeing a great Guy. In fact, He's the most awesome guy I know and most of my friends know Him personally. I spend my time talking to Him and going on dates with Him. His surprises and gifts are the best. I may not get what I want all the time but He certainly is able to provide all that I need. Who is He? Well, He's a Jew and so His name is popular amongst the Jewish community. But He definitely goes by many other names. Yes, it's gonna sound a little cliche and expected but I'll still tell you His name anyway. This guy that I love so much...His name is Jesus. :)
So, now that you know I'm taken, you'd better find someone else :P. Till next time, God bless you.
"How I love you" by Planetshakers
Here I stand, before you my heart is still Wanting just to be with you Waiting here, I long for Your voice to speak Touch me now, It's Your face I seek
How my soul longs for You To be with You, adore You Nothing more I want to do Than to sing to You
Jesus, I'm in love with You Speak to me, whisper Your words of Truth Take my heart, won't You make me new Jesus, how I love You How I love You
On my knees, before You I lay my life Giving all in living sacrifice Take my life and all that I long to be Set apart only for You my King
How my soul longs for You To be with You, adore You Nothing more I want to do Than to sing to You
Jesus, I'm in love with you Speak to me, whisper Your words of truth Take my life, won't You make me new Jesus, how I love You How I love You
How my soul longs for You How my soul longs for You How my soul longs for You How my soul longs for You
Found this on the vive young adults myspace and it was hilarious. Yup, it was done by ppl at Crossway. No, it's not funny because it's funny. No offense, it's only funny cos it's lame :). After seeing it, I went to advertise this to my sis, recommending her to watch it but it somehow went like this:
me: eh, li ern, you know today i saw this clip from youtube at the vive myspace which is quite funny. not the funny funny but lame funny. it's about household saving tips. drink water from bath tub, just mow the path that you are gonna walk, use the cut grass as salad...
li ern: hahaha...
me: what's so funny?
li ern: does the guy actually eat the grass salad? cos if he does, i'm so watching that!
so, folks, sit and enjoy. hope you'll like the show. :).
oh, and yes, i do think that long hair doesn't really suit harvey but hey, it's a free world...although i personally feel that all guys must go through some long hair phase (e.g. dreadlocks, side burns, long hair...)
This may seem like a real silly question to ask but:
CAN YOU RECOGNISE YOUR OWN DADDY'S VOICE?
This is how inanely foolish I am.
me:*after going to toilet, enters the study. sees the receiver in the study not in its cradle and knowing that mum is talking to someone on the phone, decides to pick it up and join the convo, thinking that its dad.*
It's definitely hard to believe that it's been a year since I've started blogging. And yes, although I only have around 45 posts (including this one), it's an amazing feat, one that has never been attempted before. Seriously. I've always tried to blog/ have a diary but I give up after a couple of entries. So this is my biggest achievement.
Looking back on all the posts, I have to say, I've had my share of funny crap (only to me, I know) and sad ones. I've never really cared who reads this to be honest. I don't update so practically everyone believes that my poor blog is dead. heh.
Well, let's get down to business, shall we?
Firstly, Wai Sing is well on his way to full recovery. He woke up about 5 days after the whole accident and is definitely alive and kicking. Trust me when I say he is well. Come on, any sick, unconscious person won't be complaining about boredom now would he? His complaints, as I've heard, is usually about how bored he is at the hospital. That's what he gets for scaring all of us. Good punishment I must say.
Enough about that moron. Now, I went to my rural placement like two weeks ago. Yes, I know I didn't update about it the week after because I've been busy and lazy. I actually have to participate in a group assignment which only amounts to 5% just to spend a week there. I'd rather stay at home thanks.
Where did I go? Warragul of course. Only about an hour's drive away from Melbourne city. Haha, not so ulu ok. It was definitely small. And hey, I was treated like a celebrity at the supermarket!! We were driven there to buy the necessities for the next five days. So Adilah, Li Ping, Ivie and I were walking around the aisles trying to look for the things on our mini "grocery shopping list". Every step we took, people were watching us. Watching, as in the move your head in the direction that he goes that kind of watching. It was uncomfortable and flattering in a way. Yes, I know I'm hungry for attention, so?
That night itself we went to the local cinema to watch the Simpsons movie. All I have to say about that is I slept through it. Shocker? I think not. Please, it's not that funny. Trust me, I've seen funnier stuff. And it's the kind of movie where you can only watch once. If you watch it again, the jokes just get old. So there's no way I would call soemthing like that a must watch.
Anyway, before the movie started, a few of us wanted a group picture as we didn't know whether we would be able to in the next 4 days. So, I approached the couple sitting in front of us and asked them whether they could take a photo for us. And you know what?! That girl, most probably younger than me, just turned around and replied sharply, "No, I don't want to." What crawled up her butt and died?! In the end, we just had to make do, with one of us out of the picture.